from where i stand
im wondering which is worse; escaping from the past or dwelling on it. to be honest i loved my past but continue to hate parts of it. mostly because i miss parts i know i cant ever get back. i was so happy with my life and somehow at parts i got too comfortable. so when the comfort ended naturally i was crushed. but somehow i always think about my past. i dont dwell on it and wish it came back but when i see the people that make me angry or affect my emotions i think its best not to care. two different scenarios that actually make my heart ache i just pretend to hate them all. half of me actually does but the other half hates myself for hating them. partially i think its just because i need to put up a wall; a curve ball for them. because if i dont i feel like they will still be able to see right through me and my feelings. i feel so vulnerable and if i were to face them again i would just break down. its like a ticking time bomb. i think about them constantly and i dont know how to make it go away. songs, pictures, their faces all bring back so many memories. they were huge parts of my life and i opened myself up to them fully just to be stepped on over and over. i just want to stop thinking about it all. this is just a reminiscing kind of night. ok im done ha :)
